So I’m really sick. Feverish, shaky, sore throat, crazy appetite. That means my brain isn’t really working at the moment, so this is not going to be an amazing post. However, I’ve been reading a lot lately about NEDA Week, and I wanted to get off the topic of boys (P.S. he’s still texting/facebooking) and share a few links and things that have helped my own recovery. Perhaps when this fever breaks I can really spend time to unpack this stuff.
This is the most useful, amazing book about EDs. Even for someone like me, who is immensely hard to classify, Jenni’s anecdotes, stories, and exercises keep me afloat and focused on my journey. I can’t recommend this book enough.
I love this website. Sunny is an amazing, successful woman who has recovered from binge eating. Too often, binging is the “hidden” ED… somehow more shameful even than AN or BN because it presumes “lack of control” and “fat.” Sunny disproves that with this fantastic website.
I never really used this website to kickstart my own recovery, but there are lots of great links to therapists, nutritionists, etc. to get you started. I intermittently used the chat boards when I most wanted to reach out.
NYSC.com and yogatothepeople.com
It sounds weird, but particularly the gym has been a real lifesaver for me. If I need to get out of my house, there is somewhere I am welcome anytime. Sometimes I go solely to work out, but sometimes I go when I’m feeling trigger-y and walk on the treadmill or stretch on the mats. It’s a good way to get me out of that brain whirr that leads to ED behaviors. Yoga is another savior of mine spiritually. It’s not the best place to go when I’m feeling self-conscious, but it does settle my head.
Some tools to help me stay on track:
- I have a meal playlist of songs I know the words to and can sing along to. That way if my brain starts to want to turn off when I’m eating, I have an easy way to bring it back to reality.
- I have a “lockbox” which I made from an old shoebox. The outside is decorated with words, pictures, and quotes that make me happy and self confident. Inside, there are some descriptions of ED behaviors that I want to stop. I fill this box with my recovery tools (markers, paper, “alternate activities”, books, etc) and keep it very close.
- I use markers to create papers I post around my apartment, especially in my kitchen. Meal plans, Soul Self vs. ED Self lists, quotes that make me happy, messages I want to remember, etc. It’s a process of recovery to make them, and a process to see them everyday. Maybe I’ll post some pictures sometime.
- I only eat in certain places in my apartment.
- I only keep foods I know are “safe” in my apartment. I’m slowly starting to reintroduce things, but I’m being very cautious. I can live without cereal for a few months… but I don’t want to jump in too fast and feel badly about myself.
- I knit, do crosswords, write down quotes, sing, and write this blog– all alternate activities!
More to come, I’m sure. Does this stuff help people? It’s just been such a journey to find the things that work for me. I’m nowhere near perfect, but I feel sturdy enough in my “recovery toolbox” to stay on track without such enormous swings. What are your feelings about NEDA week?
“”Feathers filled the small room. Our laughter kept the feathers in the air. I thought about birds. Could they fly is there wasn’t someone, somewhere, laughing?”
— Jonathan Safran Foer