Blerg. I’m sick again.
Last night, I had a 2hr audition for the company that belongs to one of my college professors. It was like a “mini” one of their weekly training sessions– because most of the founding members met at Columbia’s MFA program under Anne Bogart (esteemed director), they have a shared system of group training which involves Viewpoints, Pilates, Linklater, Physiques, Grotowski, and Suzuki. It’s all high energy, highly physical, heightened text stuff. Four of my friends from school were also there, plus a bunch of randos. It was all stuff that I’ve done before, but not since sophomore year of college. It was super humid in the rehearsal space, so I was disgustingly sweaty by the end.
On the way home, I felt exhausted. I thought maybe it was that I was already sore from ballet, or tired from the gym that morning, or hadn’t had enough protein or something. Even by the time I got home, I felt completely massacred. I’d noticed a bit of a cough, but didn’t think much of it.
Whelp, good morning fever. SUCH a blerg. I went to therapy, and felt really irritated because I felt like such shit. Then I did my weekly grocery run at TJ’s and headed home. I really need to do laundry, but it ain’t happening.
When I’m sick, I find myself fall back into negative eating patterns. Just like my emotional feelings effect physical sensations, feeling physically ill leads to emotional responses which, for me, leads to screwy eating. Which obviously doesn’t make me feel better.
So now I’m watching bad TV and hoping to get better. I was going to go to a double-header open call in the morning, but I was already reconsidering before I started feeling bad (it’s useless to go to an open call if I feel I won’t be seen), so I won’t. Auditions like that make me hate the business. If you’re not union, you wait around for HOURS to get seen by assistants usually. If you don’t have an agent, you can’t get a private audition, which is really the only way to get parts. I really, really need my union card ASAP if I’m going to keep functioning in this city. I also really need an agent. But that’s a mission for another moment, and I really need to not stress out about it. PERIOD.
Oh, and I got a callback on Saturday. I wish I had a callback for something else, but. C’est la vie.
I hope everyone out in the world is feeling better than I am.
“If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way to make life more bearable.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country