Bad habit.

I have a terrible habit of freaking out prior to big things happening (i.e. busy weeks, auditions, travel, anything different than normal), which leads to major ED shit happening. Which obviously makes those things even MORE stressful. It’s probably my worst habit, because it fucks me over for things that are IMPORTANT.

So it’s been a rough few days leading up to a big fat week. And I just finally sucked it up and called a plumber to look at my sink, which I’ve been avoiding dealing with for months. I don’t want to be a big girl. I want Dad to fix it and I want to hide and sleep and not get dressed and not face the major moves of my life, and on TOP of that, FOOD. Why can’t I just focus on breathing through the big things happening, and not be focusing solely on food and my body?

Fuck this ED. It literally makes everything 20 times harder.

Anyway, will try to write again before next weekend, but as I’ve said, I’ve got a big week ahead. If anyone has advice on handling change and nerves and stuff with an ED, throw it my way.

Kisses and stuff,

B.

“You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one’s own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don’t have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.”
Maya Angelou

“I am convinced that most people do not grow up…We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias.”
Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

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2 thoughts on “Bad habit.

  1. Wow, your last two posts have described perfectly the past two months of my life. I completely understand you, my friend, but we can get out of this funky mess our minds are in and remember that there is always, always, a new day tomorrow ❤
    xoxo

  2. Good luck on the week ahead. I totally identify with using ED to deal with stress. I suppose the only advice I have is to aim to eat for energy. More often than not I have restricted heavily during stressful times (e.g. exams) and after I have had a horrendous binge/purge month to compensate. Which is SUCH a waste of time.

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