This was my Valentines.
The night before:
Saw my friend in a night of one-acts downtown. Yup, it mostly was as bad as it sounds. Prior to this, I ran from the hospital to meet my friend J beforehand. I was starving, so what you see here is the dinner of champions.
Woke up with heartburn. How apropos.
Went to get on the subway to go down to work and the gym. There was a man stumbling down the station, back and forth, vomiting into each grate, one by one. He kept moving, and kept vomiting, so all of us had to keep moving to avoid the vomit. It was… excellent.
Took 45 minute body conditioning. It was fine. But then the showers were cold. And not manageable cold– FREEZING. I’m a badass, usually pretty insensitive to discomfort like that. But this was miserable. I also realized that I’d packed my only pair of socks with huge holes in them. I can’t bear to throw them out… but really? Today?
Was late to work because I was bad at planning and decided I REALLY needed a $4 latte. Get it together, B.
Hopped on the M66 to see L at Sloan Kettering. It was a really, really wonderful visit. She’s doing really well– energetic, smiling, laughing, more confident in how she looks and how she’s doing. It’s marvelous.
We walked around, did some silly Valentine’s activities the pediatric ward had set up (they always have little parties and crafts for holidays and things like the Superbowl… usually L couldn’t care less– she sort of “anti” and “edgy” that way, but alone in the playroom, those salt dough hearts just begged to be painted). Her dad went out and bought a pizza, half Hawaiian and half veggie. The three of us devoured the WHOLE thing. It was glorious. Then we watched the second half of Book of Mormon on my computer (I KNOW, it’s illegal. I didn’t do it, I’m not sharing it, and it doesn’t exist online anymore. Plus I paid the money to see it live. It’s going to be in the public sphere soon, as the Lincoln Center Performing Arts Library has every show EVER on video and if you go through a lot of steps you can see them, and goddamn it, L has cancer so give ‘er a break. And me. And no, I’m not sharing it. I’m a pretty guilty pirate, but this gave her so much joy, how can I feel too, too bad?)
L’s friend/girlfriend? came to visit, so I left her. I headed home on the F to the D to the C uptown. I was asleep early. Not too bad for a single gal if I don’t consider the fact that it included vomit, cold water, tardiness, holey socks, and a Valentine who is in a cancer hospital.
Happy Valentines to you all. Hope you are well.
P.S. Last Thursday, I said farewell to my nutritionist. It’s been about a year and a half, and we’d cut down to once per month, and finally I said, “I’m ready to go on a case by case basis.” She hugged me, said she was proud and I should be too.
I was proud. I am proud. It’s not the end, but it’s a step.
“Best to let the broken glass be broken glass, let it splinter into smaller pieces and dust and scatter. Let the cracks between things widen until they are no longer cracks but the new places for things. That was where they were now. The world wasn’t ending: it had ended and now they were in the new place. They could not recognize it because they had never seen it before.”
― Colson Whitehead, Zone One