One of my favorite guilty pleasures is a nice marathon of America’s Next Top Model (lots of seasons on YouTube– enjoy your wasted day!) I love it because it’s stupid reality TV, but also because I’m interested in modeling… not as something I like or even respect, but I like feeling like I can judge the “good” pictures and the “good” walks.
I’ve just learned that a girl I knew in elementary school, the girl who arguably triggered my break into bipolar and depression by being horrifically cruel for numerous years… she’s gotten a second callback for the next season of ANTM.
The fact that I’m facebook friends with this girl is a whole thing in and of itself– I still hate her so much for what she did to me. It’s all a very long story, which I’m sure I’ll tell, but suffice it to say that after being my best friend for half a year at age 8, she suddenly “dumped” me (that’s the word 8-year-old me used), and through a process of constant manipulation, coercion, and cruelty, stole all my friends and kept me just close enough to hurt me but far enough to give me power; excluded from every circle, every friendship. It was so subtle, so malicious, that no one would make a movie about it (I have mixed feelings about this new movie, Bully, because I think the most pernicious bullying isn’t necessarily physical or obvious at all), but it obviously made an enormous difference in my life and development.
Anyway, I really, really, really hope she’s on the show. I do. I want to see how Tyra manipulates her. I want to watch her bomb photoshoots. I want to watch a real model, a real human, beat her. I want to sit on the couch with my friends and watch her, saying, “That was the girl who ruined my life,” “That’s the bitch who hurt me.” I want everyone to see how superficial she is.
It’s fucking mean, but I can’t wait to watch her self-destruct on reality television.