A Few Unpopular Things

It’s been a while since I’ve updated. Sorry all! I accidentally overbooked myself this last week, and I’m exhausted.
I have a feeling that a few of these bullet-points are going to be a little… shall we say… unpleasant. It hasn’t been a bad week, I swear!

— I’ve been feeling a little bipolar lately. You can see the happiness in my last post, about Leap of Faith. I was flying. Then Thursday night, after a busy morning of talking to the director of my summer show (ergo freaking out about how hard this is going to be), being late for my therapist, shooting a short film, and then had planned to attend a friend’s production of Midsummer at his school. I texted my friend R, asking what her plan was, since I was in Union Square by her place, perhaps we could all go up together? She said she didn’t know the plan, but I should make sure I had a ticket since the show was sold out. I called my friend C, who said he thought I was on R’s reservation for 4– which I was not. I instantly felt abandoned by not even being asked if I wanted to go before the reservation was made (emotional crash). C told me about getting on the waitlist, and so I went 2 hrs early to get on the list. C hadn’t told R et. al. that the tickets were given out at 7:30, so I did get a nice burst of schaudenfreude when the 4 tickets were given away (whoo! happy!) They all showed up, pissy, and I learned they’d all been at happy hour. Why hadn’t been invited? (crash) The show was fine, and I was glad to see my friend C and the other folks I knew in the show. (yay!) However, I was so pooped from my day, I decided I needed to go home and sleep instead of go out for drinks. No one tried to stop me. (cue tears). What the fuck? I was all over the place emotionally– “okay,” but not really. I wished I could explain to them my neuroses about being “excluded,” but I don’t know how to do that.

— TMI ALERT: Ever since the day before I flew back to NYC, I’ve been constipated. I’ve never had this happen before, and my diet didn’t really change. I tried all the OTC drugs, to no avail. Finally Friday, I went and got a colonic.
As someone overly preoccupied with my body (thanks ED!) I’ve seen these touted as weight loss methods and considered trying them for that purpose (sometimes I’m shocked at how a smart person can be so dumb). I went back and forth on it, thinking, “Oh, I shouldn’t, what if I like it because of ED and not because it’s helping with this medical problem,” or “It’s a good step in figuring out what’s wrong!” and finally sucked it up and scheduled it. I told my mom in email, which made me feel better– if I’d kept it a secret, I think it would have felt like ED behavior. The process itself was fine… the woman was very nice, and I do feel some relief. I didn’t lose weight, and I didn’t all of a sudden feel lighter and joyful and flat-tummied. I was glad I did it, and also glad to know it wasn’t a miracle cure for my body.

— I posted on Facebook that I will be playing a 14 year old this summer, and want to spend some time with some girls that age to get a fresh look at that really important time. A girl I went to HS with, but was not friends with and was a year old than me, wrote me and said she babysits/nannies a really great group of 13 yr old boys and girls and I should come hang out with them. I took her up on the offer. I’m hoping to do that this coming week.

— My ex-boyfriend from HS messaged me that he’d be in NYC from May 3-10. He was my first everything, and because we “broke up” when I went to college (though we didn’t really break up, to be honest), the end of our relationship during freshman/sophomore year of college was pretty nasty. He’s been in Scotland studying acting for the last 4 years. I was thrilled he wrote me– usually I’m the worst, writing “hey stranger…” needy messages– but he wanted to get in touch with me… and audition for my company?! Haven’t even processed that yet.

— Happy Earth Day! Here commences the week I like to call “My Birthday Week.” So far… I have no plans, except some sort of surprise from R et al on Saturday… Hoping it involves gin & tonics and Connecticut. I’m hoping to get together with my dear HS friends Z and N on Monday night, and also hopefully J and M for cocktails and their new Hells Kitchen apt. Other than that… this week, I don’t worry about spending too much money. I don’t overbook myself. I do what I want and I use “it’s my birthday” as an excuse for everything.

Happy Birthday to Me.

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