Wednesday

What I Ate Wednesday.

I never do this, but I’m doing this, sort of half-heartedly, mostly ironically, and because I had a fucked up day (and I guess I mostly mean just in the weird way) (can you tell I’m in a weird mood?)

Accidentally slept way in. Again. We were going to go to the gym yesterday before I had to go to work, but we accidentally slept till 10am. Whoops. Today we slept till 10:30, and I had to leave at 11:15.

So breakfast was an english muffin with an egg, half a slice of swiss cheese, arugula, and coffee.

Today I had to go to the Bronx for work. I KNOW. Trust me, I know. I have literally been to this campus of my institution a solid 3 times prior—once, freshman year, for a party that we thought might feel like “college” (it didn’t and we wouldn’t have wanted it to anyway), then, to run a last minute emergency errand for work, and the most recent time, to GRADUATE. Yup.

So I got lost. Obviously. And ended up fifteen minutes late in meeting my boss. Got my cardio in speed-walking the wrong way on Jerome Ave?

Basically we went up there to hobknob and suck up to the administrators that we deal with on a daily basis. I don’t talk much about my job on here because it’s slightly confusing, but basically I’m a personal assistant/administrative assistant/creative consultant/do-er of all things that need to be done for the Theatre Program from which I graduated a couple of years ago. It’s a great job really—I can duck out anytime for auditions or appointments (and do), I’m finally salaried, and my boss is completely flexible with me (I mean, I basically got paid to ditch for three months this summer to do a show). Anyway, because our campus in manhattan is small, most of the boring administrative offices (HR, payroll, the office of the Provost, etc) are in the Bronx. So in order to keep getting what we want in our program, my boss likes to give little gifts and show our little smiling faces every couple of years so they have a picture of my face in their mind when they don’t respond to my urgent emails about grad school adjunct contracts for weeks (I’m lookin’ at you, Velazquez.)

We were there doing this till about 3pm, and I was starving. Obviously. Since I had like 300 calories at 10:45am. We took a bus back that literally went past my apartment building, where A and my cat were canoodling. I pointed and said, out loud, “Oh my god. That’s my apartment building.”

Once we got back to the school, my boss went to grab lunch and I bought a $3.25 hummus and pretzel snack pack thing and the apple I packed. I did a little bit of work until my boss came back, and when he left for his 4pm meeting, L came right in. She had texted me earlier that she was “kind of freaking out” and that she wanted to see me.

Turns out, she’d been sitting in the library and taken off her hat only to find hair in it. Her hair is/might be falling out again. Small potatoes, sure, for most, but this was the hardest thing for L to let go of at first, and frankly, her hair is the only thing that has successfully helped her to feel “normal” through the chemo treatment. I tried to be supportive—you know, the good friend who doesn’t try to fix but just says “yeah, that fucking sucks” – until the head of the directing program (also a close friend of L’s) came in and just laid it out. Sometimes that’s actually what a girl needs, but only a “grown up” can do it right.

She was off to do coffee and shopping with a friend, and I headed down to meet R, a friend from “my company” for a drink.

True confessions: I talk about her ALL the time in therapy because my feelings about the company often seem to focus around her because we have such a long history (roommates/friends/colleagues/costars/and on and on). She has this thing where we’re besties, and then someone more fun or interesting or a boy comes along and our relationship is completely unimportant. It’s irritating.

So now really true confessions: We see the same therapist (I gave R her name), so I wonder if our therapist pulled a “mom” and encouraged R to seek me out. Who knows. Who (really) cares.

But of course, as I knew, on our own, we’re great together. We had fun. We talked about life and feelings and a little bit about the company. There’s a part for me in April if I want it. She seemed totally on board with the idea that I don’t not want it, but I have to look at it and get an idea of what I’m really signing on for. Plus I’d have to get my agent’s approval and they’d have to get an AEA codes since I’m union now. All of which could be done, if I wanted it to.

Oh, so at drinks I had one grapefruit manhattan. Sometimes I love paying $12 for a drink if the drink is that yummy.

I headed home and though I didn’t feel hungry, I knew I was. I hadn’t eaten much all day. So I made a total college-student meal of long-grain wild minute rice, lightlife soy sausage, and arugula. Like a grown up. I watched a movie, fiddled around, had some hot chocolate (both in hot water and off a spoon like a wild beast) and waited till A came home at like 11:45pm.

We got to sleep around 1am, and now I’m in a pretty pissy mood, for no real reason except that I don’t really feel like going to therapy this morning, and I don’t really feel like commuting home just to sit for an hour and then commute down to 14th st to run lines with little kids to help out this other company I work with and don’t really want to go out to eat with A after his Book of Mormon audition.

What I really want is to go home. With A, with the kitty, and sit and sleep and not exert. Which is a good feeling, because I wasn’t entirely sure I’d get excited about this trip, considering the complex feelings I’m having about my mom.

So. The good and the bad. An alternate title for my autobiography.

“Good days, they come around the oddest corners.”
Colum McCann, Let the Great World Spin

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