Sometimes you feel like a child in your relationship, like there’s something wrong when your relationship isn’t exactly the same as his last, four-year courtship. You feel jealous of the time, the pieces of his heart, the declarations of love others have gotten. So you write him a text on the subway. You say too much and it doesn’t really make sense. But it’s a way to claim our love as unique; our love as the truest thing RIGHT NOW, and for the time to come.
And then you need to share the whole thing with the Internet because your love is perfectly tuned to YOU.
B:Remember when we went to the antique store in Bird-in-Hand 4 times?
Remember when I bought you turkey bacon, even though I’d never bought meat before?
Remember when we didn’t communicate well and I showed up Uptown a day before you expected me?
Remember making out heavily, passionately, on Lauren’s couch?
Remember when we were parked outside the Salvation Army on E 23rd and you talked me off the ledge?
Remember the drive to and from the airport with Jeff when I totally abandoned you by falling asleep on the way home?
Remember the way it felt to gently brush your arm in the movie theatre that first time?
Remember Shit in the Water?
Remember wandering through West Elm, planning our vacation home(s)?
I have always been yours, A. From a year and a day ago till now, and for a long time coming.
Sometimes, when I feel a little like a child, a little like I can’t possibly catch up to the loves you’ve had before, I just remember. And I realize that I didn’t know what love WAS till you. I didn’t know how easy it was to find myself completely submerged in you.
We talk about love a lot. So do most couples.
But my darling, I UNDERSTAND you. We FIT. “I” am not a “thing” without “you.”
Just wanted to share.
I never take you for granted.
I never am not surprised and grateful when you make me coffee.
Our love is energetic and exciting and romanic, but it’s also comfortable. It’s home. And that’s something that’s harder to put into words than the platitudes and poetics that make up the language of most relationships.
A year ago, I couldn’t imagine a love like this.
Now, I can’t imagine my life without it.
Sent from my iPhone
A: B, I’ve never had an interpersonal relationship with anyone that was anything like this.
I’ve never felt the charge of humanity that radiates between us with anyone else.
I’ve never been as sure of my identity, as sure of my desires, or as sure of the path on which I’m walking.
I’ve never felt the unending and most-sincere amount of comprehension of who we are as a unit with anyone else in my entire life.
I wake up knowing exactly who is beside me, where she stands in my psyche, and I never want to feel anything else.
You’re my life, B. The certainty of you in my world is staggering.
You were the best decision I’ve ever made.
And I’m not going to stop making it, minute by minute, day by day, year by year.
I love you.