Ch-ch-ch-changes! (and bachelorette pics)

Some thoughts.

1. It is crazy to live somewhere long enough that you start to see how it changes. Where you grow up doesn’t count, since you can’t vote or really interact with the community at all, except through your parents. But I’ve lived in NYC for over six years now, and so much has happened. I’m about to vote for mayor for the first time (Bloomberg had three terms)– DiBlasio all the way! When I moved here, the yellow line had N,Q,R and W trains and the orange line was F and V. There is no longer a W line, and the V line is now the M. Huh? We have new taxis that only work uptown (110-215th st), and they’re green! There’s no Village Voice theatre column anymore, and the guy who used to write it is now teaching Theatre History where I work. Tiny things, but noticeable, when you take the time to see them.4732140834_6542bd62b0

2. I found out some great stuff a couple nights ago about that the episode I shot of the Discovery ID show a couple weeks ago. i was at a bar with two of my dearest friends, one of whose husband was the director of the episode. She told me that not only was I her husband’s first choice for the role, but the network loved me too– and the real kicker was that I had fight experience, which made the network excited. The CD, from a large office in NYC, was apparently excited about my work too– he asked, “why have I never called her in?” to which this director responds, “’cause you’re a fucking idiot.” Also, it seems the network is really enthused about the episode altogether– it’s definitely the most complex fight choreography and most gruesome death they’ve ever filmed, and Discovery ID does ONLY murder shows. I cannnnnnnnooooootttttt wait to see it. It was so so so much fun. 🙂

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3. A’s away at army AGAIN. I’m not pleased. It’s a long time! And he’s been gone a lot! He hates how much I hate it, I think mostly because it makes him feel guilty. I appreciate the privacy, but I’d prefer the privacy came without him having to do something he hates while I go about my normal life. It’s not fair.

4. THE WEDDING IS A WEEK FROM TOMORROW!! We’re all freaking out. I can’t imagine how R feels! Our dresses are done, and we through an epic weekend bachelorette party over the Columbus Day weekend! Check out all the pics:

The dresses!

The dresses!

Personalized champagne flutes upon arrival in CT!

Personalized champagne flutes upon arrival in CT!

Gorgeous table setting.

Gorgeous table setting.

The most delicious meal I've had in... years!!

The most delicious meal I’ve had in… years!!

Penis funfetti cupcakes, 'cause you just have to.

Penis funfetti cupcakes, ’cause you just have to.

2nd night was snacks and homemade dinner and movies! (we didn't watch any because we talked all night... but how cute is this?!)

2nd night was snacks and homemade dinner and movies! (we didn’t watch any because we talked all night… but how cute is this?!)

Team Rachel.

Team Rachel.

Beautiful ladies in a beautiful sunset in beautiful Newtown, CT.

Beautiful ladies in a beautiful sunset in beautiful Newtown, CT.

 

 

 

 

All The Things

Y’all know that I love the show Girls on HBO. I’ve discussed the controversies over the show here, so I won’t go into it again.

Two weeks ago, the show focused only on three character– Ray (and then only in the pre-title teaser scene), Hannah (Dunham’s character), and a stranger played by Patrick Wilson. The episode was controversial for a lot of reasons, and I will absolutely say that it doesn’t exactly fit into the previous canon of the series. There were things about it I loved (Hannah seemed like someone I could genuinely have a lot of fun with– naked ping pong is totally something A and I would do), but yes, it was less funny than most and more like an essay than an episodic comedy.

But one thing Hannah said at the end of the episode, where she basically unloads all her feelings to Joshua (Wilson’s character), really struck me.

She starts crying, facing a wealthy, handsome, funny divorced doctor who genuinely likes her, and she says, “Please don’t tell anyone this, but I want to be happy. I think what I didn’t realize before I met you was that, I was, like, lonely.” She tells him how she always thought she would be the kind of person who was best on her own, someone focused on her career and willing to be uncomfortable and unwilling to settle. And yet, she says, she’s begun to realize: “I want all the things.”

This is something that has surprised me about my relationship with A. I never dreamed about my perfect wedding, I never felt like anything was missing when I was alone, I never wanted anyone to spend money on me.

But with A, I google engagement rings (not that I want him to propose yet, but again… suddenly I want all the things). I want him to buy me nice dinners. I want him to get his book deal so he can take care of our little family. I want to cook for him. I want him with me all the time.

This is not to say I’m going to get married and become a housewife and give up everything I’ve dreamed of– I’m just as ambitious as always.

But I realized that I maybe do want some of the things we’re told women want, and that’s okay. Like Hannah, I feel weird about wanting all the things, but truth be told… I kinda do.